Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Tuesdays With Bapak (19)

When The Heart Knows Reason - June 19 2007

Bapak looked at us, grinning, as he bent over the dining table, going through the pile of Sunday papers. He wore an impish look.
He seemed so oblivious to the emotion-charged discussion that was held in the living room, just moments before he appeared.

My heart wanted to scream, weep.

"Aah...apa cerita?", he asked.

Funny thing about being angry with your father, accompanied by the millions of questions that are going through your head and the wave of emotions unsettling you. The moment he looks at you, and you at him, your jaw suddenly feels heavy. You just cannot open your mouth to say anything.

A sudden overwhelming sense of realisation sweeps over you. Your mind -- your brain - starts ticking, telling you instantly that "no, no, you can't pounce on him, he's your Bapak."

Five seconds passed. We weren't counting but for those long moments, everyone froze, speechless.

"Hehe...haha. tak ada apa" we all seemed to be mumbling, muttering, all at the same time, The silence was broken. Like a comic sketch, we turned to each other, and pretended as though nothing had happened.

Bapak grinned, turned his attention to the pile of newspapers for a few more moments, and returned to his study.
I thought I heard him humming a tune.

Then, we looked at each other, wondering the same thing -- why didn't we just ask him?


The issue of Bapak's impending marriage loomed larger as the days went by.
I was very unhappy. I was 36 and due to deliver my second and youngest child, and I could not accept my father's decision to remarry.
"Betrayal. It is betrayal. He is supposed to love Mak," I said, in clandestine discussions with Kak Piah and Kak Ton.

I wanted to confront Bapak, but at the same time, I did not want to hurt him. I did not know how to go about asking him without hurting his feelings.

Nina and Lalin were our main concern. Lalin was still in London but was completing her final exams soon. She would be returning home at the end of the year.
How and when should she be told about it? She would be coming home to Bapak and his new wife.
Nina was the stronger of the two. Since Mak died, she was the one who had been keeping Bapak company at home in between attending her lectures and tutorials at the university (International Islamic University), as the rest of us were already married and had our own homes.
Thankfully, the university was located nearby, hardly a five-minute drive.

It was needling me but neither Bapak nor any of us broached the subject for discussion.
But Bapak seemed to be dropping hints. We ignored them, playing dumb, hoping that it would all go away, that he was only joking. Yet, we knew he was serious and we wanted to know. But we did not want to seem eager about wanting to know about his marriage to the woman, whoever she was. At the same time we we wanted to know details about this woman and why in heaven's name that he needed to get married again. And why she wanted to Bapak as a husband.

There were times I did not want to think about it because it made me so sad thinking about another person taking over Mak's place. It made me sad thinking about my two younger sisters.


One day Nina told us that she had already known about Bapak's decision to remarry even before Kak Piah dropped the bombshell.
No wonder she said nary a word all the while. No wonder she did not break into fits when Kak Piah said the "M" word. That made me wonder but I never thought much about it as I was too preoccupied with the whole issue.

My poor little sister. To be keeping such a burden from her older sisters and brothers.

Nina said that one afternoon, Bapak was waiting for her in the living room. This was not unusual because, after Mak died, he would always be waiting for her to come home from college to have lunch together. Lunch he had prepared. Sometimes, Nina would catch him deep in reflection, with tears in his eyes. But she never ventured to probe.
But that afternoon, she had an uneasy feeling that he was going to tell her something she had suspected for quite a bit. She knew that this was coming.

Nina had been feeling that Bapak had been "up to something" lately, disappearing for long lunches, taking with him "tiffin" of food he had cooked and, accompanied by a close family friend, they would go to our cousin's place in Gombak. Looking pleased and happy. Very Odd, Nina had thought. And very suspicious, her mind had wondered.

All this after June 2, 1992, two years after Mak died. Could Bapak be ready to remarry, Nina had flirted with this thought. But she never intimated this to any of us at that point.

That afternoon when Bapak was waiting for her return from lectures, he wanted to talk to her. He called her to his study and broke the news to her. As he spoke to her, his eyes glistened.

"Don't think I don't love your mother," he said, calmly, but his voice quivering a little.
Nina turned away. She could not say what she wanted to say, that yes, she knew that he was lonely. So was she. Yes, he had lost a wife. And she had lost a mother and was missing her terribly.

But she had expected it. Perhaps, even quite accepted it because she felt, yes... he had to get married because he could not go on like that without a companion.
There had been too many occasions that Nina had to take Mak's place -- a wife's place - to accompany Bapak to events and functions. She did not mind it at all but over time, felt that Bapak could not go on like that forever.
Besides, she became a little concerned when she knew that there were a couple of young women who had shown interest in Bapak.
One came to mind, Nina said. A university (Universiti Malaya) undergraduate who kept visiting Bapak even after Bapak had finished his tenure as lecturer at the university.
Manija, the maid and Ida, my maid and a couple of grandchildren (including Adel) would be at Bapak's house, when this female undergraduate came a visiting. On several occasions, Nina would come home, to find the young lady, talking to Bapak in the living room.
"Too many times for comfort", Nina had thought.

"Aku rasa budak tu suka aku," Bapak told Nina one day. She felt Bapak was uncomfortable with the young lady's frequent visits. One day, Bapak was pleased to see Nina returning home and asked Nina to send the girl back to the UM campus. He politely told her that he had plans to go out with "his daughter" (Nina) for the afternoon.
Nina never told us about this young lady, knowing well how we would all react. Quite hysterically, perhaps.

There was another young lady who would drop by Kak Ton's office. Kak Ton had set up her media consultancy, "Media Strategy", after leaving journalism. Bapak was (and still is) chairman of the company which was located in Damansara Heights.

According to Kak Ton, this person would "just drop by and have a chat with Bapak in his office".
Bapak told Kak Ton that the young lady wanted "tips on writing, on writing a novel".
Who was she, Kak Ton had asked. Bapak said he never knew her before and that she had dropped by the office one day and introduced herself as so-and-so who wanted to learn to write a novel. And she kept coming by.

I suppose without Mak or the presence of a wife, Bapak was considered available or "a catch" for some women - young or old. Never mind that he was 67, not a wealthy man (as wealthy goes), a father of 10 and already a grandfather to as many. Could it be that he was a Tan Sri and had a "big" house which, to some people, was something of an attraction. Or, could it be his alluring, appealing and stimulating personality and towering intellect? Er, perhaps.

So, when Bapak told his daughters that so-and-so had shown interest in him, it was a way of telling us to help him out, perhaps "rescue" him because he himself was not able to tell the person that he was not interested.

That afternoon, Bapak told Nina that there were a "few candidates" for him to choose.
"Oh no, I hope they don't include that university student or that novelist wannabe," Nina thought to herself, almost freaking out.
He said, among them was a Datin and a rich janda.

Nina very calmly told Bapak that there was nothing she could do about his decision to remarry, it was, after all his decision but she understood it.
However, she wanted to impose several conditions. Rather, cutting a deal, if you know what I mean.
Nina told Bapak that the candidate must not be a "janda" or one with children because she did not want Bapak's wife to have been somebody else's and she did not want step-siblings either.
She must not be young (read: university student), either and she must neither be prettier nor smarter than Mak.

Bapak kept quiet.

Bapak also had a deal but it was one-sided, heavily in Nina's favour. He said Nina could go visit Lalin in London and accompany her home.
(Later, Bapak bought them each a car and an apartment as well as topped up their Amanah Saham investment. )

Despite having accepted Bapak's decision, Nina still felt hurt. There were times she would purposely come home late, or she would come home only to collect her pillow and blanket.
When Bapak asked where she was going, she would give a one-line reply, and disappear out the door, into the night.
"I was so bengang", she told us. We never knew.


And now it was in the open. It was odd because Bapak did not sit down to tell us. It was just out in the open because it was going to happen whether we liked it or not.
Now that it was out in the open, I could show my displeasure openly. I disliked the idea of Bapak remarrying. I think I shut my mind to everything else except the fact that he betrayed Mak.
On reflection, it was totally unfair, and cruel too.

Several people, including the top guns at NSTP, had come to know about Bapak's intention to remarry. I was horrified to know that they knew.
Bapak was still close to some of the NSTP people and I suppose, it must be the male-bonding thing. They had readily embraced Bapak's decision as though it was a natural and most logical decision for a man to take.
Conspiracy, I hooted. Men, I retorted.

One or two NST bosses must have regretted advising me to not be too hard on Bapak for wanting to remarry. Easy for them to say. It was not their father who was taking a new wife. It was not their life that was going to change. And it was not their mother's room that was going to be taken over by a stranger.


Looking back, Bapak must have been very very patient with his very very angry daughters.

One day, he said he was going to arrange a meeting between his would-be bride who by this time we were duly informed that she was an "anak dara" in her 40s (three months older than Kak Ton and heck, 18 months younger than Kak Piah), fair, a former Kemas teacher, and from Gombak.

I decided I did not like her.

So, Bapak thought it would be nice that a dinner be organised so that she could meet her future step children plus their spouses, and her step grandchildren -- all 27 of us.

I decided that I was not going to be nice.


Alliedmartster said...

decisions, decisions.....

looking forward to the 'showdown'...he he he..

see y'all at midday...

Dancy said...

Assalammualaikum .

For a while I ingat I was reading a novel ...

your count down to your father's marriage made me smile ...and it is supposed to be sad , right ? Anyway , I believe its natural to feel that way ...you showed your displeasure ....and that's good .

Nasib baik you tak mengamuk and show your tantrums ......how I wish you did !Can't imagine !!

Can't wait for the next episode.

Typhoon Sue said...

"I decided that I was not going to be nice"

Wah... quite headstrong eh? Reminds me of that song by Dixie Chicks:

"I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should"

Anyway, I went thru something like this too. My mom was a young widow so there were many suitors for her when i was growing up. I remember the sleepless nights I had thinking mummy is gonna remarry and not love me anymore. Alas, I was worrying over nothing. Turns out she never even considered it.

mutalib saifuddin said...

'a family affair' i suppose.

now, you must have been accepting her as a stepmother...

may i suggest that you bring up a story during his release from ISA in early '80s, as i would like to know it better..heheh

i read the clip 'millenium moments' in NST dated dec. 31st, 1999 (still keep it till today, bit rotten now), and read the 'event' in January 198? (1 or 2? at blogging time, i'm away from the clip!).

you were there (partially hidden right?), on the picture..and the caption was something about your sister Nina, of 'hardly believe she could see her father again..'...

Daphne Ling said...

Dear Aunty Nuraina,
Wow!...Now I know why TWB is so hook-ing...I actually checked her at 3.00 am yesterday! I can imagine the smoke coming out of your nostrils, your jaw setting and your feet firm as "I decided that I was not going to be nice"...Hehe...
Looking forward to hearing what hullabaloo you created (or not) at the meeting...And looking forward to hearing how both Bapak and his bride-to-be handled it...;)

Anonymous said...

Sis Ena
What a thrilling cliffhanger. If you acted unbelievably and relentlessly nasty towards the “miserable bitch” for wreaking havoc to your family, it is perfectly understandable why you were hysterically so. Did you attempt a “demolition work” too, and if so, do tell us why it didn’t quite succeed. “Dah lama dah” in TWB 18 is so loaded and suggests that only the passing of time heal the wounds.
aMiR (note: must think of a new nick from tomorrow, hehe)

Daphne said...

I have been told this section is very popular and this is my first time here. Im interested to know how come the title sounds reali like Tuesdays with Morrie. Don't you think its a little out fetched to com[are?


alliedmarster: heheheh...thank u.
till next tuesday.

dancy: tak... i tak mengamuk. cuma sedih, upset, itu saja.
thank u for coming in. until next episode..

sue: hmmm. headstrong, yes, i guess. see, sue, your mum was widowed young and she never considered remarrying... amazing..
thanks for visiting, sue.

mutalib: thank you, mutalib. indeed, i will recapture that part.

daphne ling: thank you for visiting, daphne dear.
i hope this wasn't too long for you.

aMiR: i must seem so awful, ya? But that was long ago. ANyway..thanks, aMir. Oh dear, why do you need to change your nick?
Ok until the next TWB..

Daphne; Yes, i am aware of the very similar title as Tuesdays With Morrie. If you read my earlier postings, you will know why. I have explained.
thank you for visiting.

J.T. said...

Like Sue, this phrase struck me "I decided that I was not going to be nice".
It sounds funny now because "dah lama dah" (to borrow Amir's words).
Evidently it was far from funny then. No one was ever going to take your mak's place. Unbelievably headstrong and I'm imagining the huffing and the puffing from anger.

Looking forward to the unfolding of drama next week. :)

Anonymous said...

Dear Ms. Nuraina,

I can understand your anguish because I had gone through the same experience. It was a double whammy for me: my mom was still alive when my father married a not-so-young, thrice divorced woman with children from different partners. I was deeply hurt by my father's action and rightly or wrongly, I turned against him for the longest time.

But time, as they always say, heals all wounds. As one gets older, one is mellower and more tolerant. And, in my case, remorseful. I managed to make my peace with my father before he passed away although I avoided his second wife till the end. Call me unreasonable but as the Duchess of Windsor once said, "The heart has its reasons."


JT: Hi, JT.. never easy these things.. thankfully, all in the past.
we learn many things when we go through this sort of thing.
thanks for visiting, JT.

Anon4this: I feel for you. When a man takes another wife, people around him and who are important to him, get hurt.
i am so sorry about what you went through, your pain and your mother's. I am sure your father also suffered.Good that you made peace with him befoe he passed away.
Thank u for visiting.

Rockybru said...


Can't help wondering .. how did Bang Med and Kamal take it? Usually the boys are closer to the mums and it must have been difficult for them, too.
But if they had protested, I doubt it was anywhere near as brutal as your opposition. I was a reporter with Business Times when Pak Samad re-married. I heard from a couple of my bosses how hard you were on your dad and on yourself. I was thinking, wow, you must be a Minangkabau woman. Pepatih women are fierce; I know because my mom was one.
Turned out that you are a Mandahiling!

Anonymous said...

Hey Nuraina!

I remember some of us nearly got our head bitten off by you when trying to tell you that perhaps it is Pak Samad's right to re-marry.

Anonymous said...

The plot thickens. i hope i can survive the next five days. Sitting on the edge risks falling over.

pull ma finger! said...

tante.. one word: ursula .. eurgh


Ahirudin (Rocky): You know, i don't quite remember. I am sure deep down, they were sad and thinking about Mak who they loved very much. I cannot imagine that they were all for it. That said, i suppose they were resigned to the fact that Bapak was going to go ahead anyway, so what will be will be. Anyway, sons have a different way of dealing with the situation. They are less emotional.

I know I showed my utter displeasure. It was simply a show of emotion. Of course I love my father. It was not about that. I was not going to pretend that it was okay. It was not. But, of course, didn't mean that i wanted to stop him from remarrying. Just wanted him to know that i was hurting too. Hahaa.. i can laugh about it now...

yes.... the mendahiling are the muslim Bataks... and you know the history of Bataks, dont you?



and i never said he could not..yes yes, it was his right.
but, you know-lah, the heart was talking, not the brain.
hahaaa... i teruk-lah. i know.



sure, you can, eric.
thank u. until next week, take care.


Ina Skinnycow,

alamak.... what can Tante say to that?
I understand.....

Pi Bani said...

Wow... wonder what you had in mind when you decided you were not going to be nice. How not nice is "not going to be nice"? Never mind, I'll wait for next week's episode...

Errr... bila nak jadi TV series your TWB ni? :)

Anonymous said...

“I decided that I was not going to be nice”

The conclusion to TWB (19) leaves me with a heightened sense of anticipation, and I am waiting with bated breath for TWB (20). Tuesday is so far away... *sigh*

A Voice said...

Its belated father's day.

Off course, God is the final and only determinant, however if one were given a choice to which parent to lose first.

Chances are its better to see the father off. My father passed away in 83. My mother never remarried to focus on seeing the children "lepas". This kept the whole family intact.

If it had been different, there could have been complications.

But perhaps, not.

Anyway, with my mother never intended to remarry, it was my favourite excuse from settling down to her to remarry first.

Jahat betul.

Mat Salo said...

Damn.. Writing in the first person Kak Ena, I've never been so sympathetic to the protagonist (you!). I understand wholly your reasons for "deciding not to be nice". You were taking the agressive stance already - to protect the memory of your mother no doubt. What you did is admirable, Kak Ena. Heck, tons of us would do the same. My frank opinion? He shouldn't have. That's all, sorry. I also share nonforthis' sentiments - ' the heart has its reasons'...

The heart rules no matter what the head says...


Hi Pi
Oh...hmmmm. i guess it simply means that. after all, it was already fait accompli. it was going to happen anyway, so why should i pretend to like the idea of my dad remarrying.
i know i sound so mean...i am known to be prone to lethal expressivenes when provoked. hahaaa.....
thak you for visiting...


sesat: bated breath, ok., just don't hold your breath. you're one of my favourite commentors, dont want anything to happen to u.
thanks for visiting, Sesat.

Voice: i believe statistically, widows have shown a strong resolve to remain single to look after their kids. i think it is also the make-up of women -- the fairer sex, yes, but certainly not the weaker sex. I know more women (very disproportionate compared to men) who remained unmarried after their husbands died, than i know of men. Very very few (including Rocky's dad and my own maternal grandfather) remained solo after their wives died.
i will not dare make a judgement on this, though. but yes, i wished then that my dad had remained unmarried. That said, my step-mum and i have got along well.

Mat Salo: hey, bro... missed u at mee rebus. Captain said you might have left already for borneo.
thanks for visiting.
as always, good to hear from you.



tv series?? never got thinking that far, Pi.
Kalau tv series, i will set up my own production company. Abang Med will be in charge of the company. and then all my siblings and friends will have a stake.

I am a firm believe of nepotism and cronyism. heheh... it's like this, i will make nepotism and cronysm so attractive and appealing that they will not be bad words in this country.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Kak Ena,

Oh good God! poor bapak....poor bapak........

Its true then that your protest was legendary?

Now no need to call Kak Ton or Kak Azah anymore.


hi! how are you?
good, I hope.

ya-lah. I was really the bad guy. and i didnt care. but that didnt mean i didnt love my dad.
in a way, yeah... i was selfish..didnt want things to change.
anyway.... all that in the past. and i was the wiser for it.

take care.

Anonymous said...

Hi Ena,

Like I said before (in my comment for TWB18), and for those reasons I mentioned earlier, I'm okay with my hub remarrying if I were to "hit that road all of us must travel" first.

However if it were my Dad (or my Mom, i.e. whichever parent survived the other), I know that my reaction would have been exactly like yours!

Odd, no?

P.S. I just came from Rocky's and the latest link he provided. Sounds like you have a very besotted (in every sense of the word - heheheh!) admirer across the waters, Ena! ;D


Hi Mekyam,

One of my friends just called me up to say that I was so dahsyat to have behaved that way to Bapak.
"Kesian nya your dad," she said, half seriously.
She wasn't judging but she could figure out why I subjected Bapak to such a torturous time.
I told her I think kids generally would not be happy if either of the widowed parent remarry. But not all kids would behave like I did. Others would deal with it differently.
I can't believe any child would be ok with their parent remarrying unless he or she is a tabligh purist. even then, i think deep down, he/she would still be saddened. And it would not be "ok" in that sense, but more of accepting fate.
I think anyone who says that he/she is agreeable to their parent remarrying would only be saying that on hihdsight.

Anyway, it is good to know that there are others who would react the way I did.

thanks Mekyam.
And..hmmmm, rocky's friend in exile? he was just being nice.


sorry, my earlier response should have read "she wasn't judging but she could NOT figure out why i subjected bapak to such a torturous time."

thanks again

Anonymous said...

Rocky said: "Can't help wondering .. how did Bang Med and Kamal take it? Usually the boys are closer to the mums..."

Yes, it's true. Though I love Bapak dearly, I was closer to Mak than I was to him. Simple reason, really: Mak was always there for me (as she was for my siblings).

So when Bapak said he was going to remarry, I felt a sense of betrayal. Put in the same situation, would I remarry? I thought about it, and concluded that I wouldn't. Easy to say, I know, but I really believed it then, and still do.

There was this admission that Bapak made,in the context of his remarrying: "I'm still virile, you know." Those were his exact words, I clearly remember, and I don't think I was the only who heard him say that.

So, what did Bapak mean? That although he wanted to remarry for companionship, he could still perform his husbandly duty? Or was he saying that his libido demanded relief, the solution for which was to remarry?

What's the the difference, you may ask. Well, in the first instance, remarrying was for companionship, sex being corollary. In the second, remarrying was for sex, companionship being corollary.

In any case, love was not a factor - it was companionship and sex, with either one taking the primary role. That was okay, in a way. For how could Bapak dare love another woman! Then again, with love out of the equation, how can you call it a marriage? (Okay, all you pragmatists will say - "You call it a marriage when the imam solemnizes it, with or without love." But that is sooooo unromantic.)

I suppose guys are less emotional. After accepting the inevitable, I just went with the flow. But let me not spoil the story... next Tuesday is just round the bend.

Anonymous said...

Abu Rabu: Well, in the first instance, remarrying was for companionship, sex being corollary. In the second, remarrying was for sex, companionship being corollary.

Abg Med,

First you went all cerebal on us.

Then while we're busy nodding at how logical you made it all sound... taa daa...

Then again, with love out of the equation, how can you call it a marriage?

... you pulled a fast romantic one on us! :D

I suppose guys are less emotional.

Yeah, Yeah! Maybe you are just better at coating the emo, no!

Keanorlinsya said...

Im here to say, i miss the TWB clan! The 'tak muda people' i chat with. Heh heh heh.

And im also here to say, if my dad were to marry again, i will surely object too. Simple explaination, she cant replace my mother and will she be able to take care another person's son who is both mentally and physically challenged?

I dont think so.

Uncle Med, Aunty Ena, Aunty Mekyam, Aunty Ton, Aunty Shana, ill be back at the lounge soon!

Loves, Kea

Anonymous said...

It is slowly emerging that you are a stubborn, strongheaded, perhaps even rebellious, daughter. With a reputation such that you have in your office ("...nearly got our head bitten off...[Zainul]"), you come across as someone who speaks her mind and is not afraid to stand her ground.

At the same time, you are loving and caring, with a deep sense of loyalty to those you hold dear. You are not beyond making peace with those who have transgressed your familial bliss (as your curent attitude towards Ghazali Shafie and your stepmom shows).

While you have dared to reveal your inner thoughts (regarding your dad's decision to remarry) for everyone to dissect, examine, analyse, ridicule, disagree or concur with, your family members are deafening in their silence (except for Skinnycow Abu Rabu). It is interesting to know what the rest of your siblings think. Or is this reserved for the next installment?

(I assume, though, that Skinnycow's remark has meaning only to your family, because I can't make head or tail of it.)

Anonymous said...


If you have seen "The Little Mermaid" you will know who the character,Ursula, is.



my dear kea,
where have you been, dear kea? lama haven't heard from you.

so pleased to see you here.

aunty ton was wondering what happened to you.

take care, my dear.


oh my... i am all that?

whew... i am human, after all.

my siblings' deafening silence? i'm wondering about that, myself. my guess is, yeah, you're right, probably all reserved for next instalment.

about skinnycow's ""ursula" comment. Anon@6:14pm, has already, er,er explained.

thanks, cheryl, for visiting. i'm glad to see you,

Anonymous said...

Kea said: "Uncle Med, Aunty Ena, Aunty Mekyam, Aunty Ton, Aunty Shana, ill be back at the lounge soon!"

Hmmm... I have poked my head in the lounge and peeked in on several occasions but have yet to bump into the "usual suspects".

Anonymous said...

Mekyam said: "Maybe you are just better at coating the emo..."

Mekyam, ah, Mekyam...there is no fooling you, is there?

Underneath our tough exterior, we men are real softies at heart. Mat Salo - that macho, oil-rigger cum novelist-to-be - has the quintessential dichotomous male psyche. Remind Mat Salo that he was not with his daughter on her birthday, and our Charles Bronson goes all teary-eyed...

Thing is, we men get better at coating our emo as we get older. By the time we are ready for the geriatric ward, our emo coating is directly proportional to deposition of lipoproteins on our arteries.

But you already know that, don't you?

aman said...

consider yourself "lucky". my dad remarried less than six months after my mom died. and i knew about it from my auntie. i was 15.



Que sera sera
Whatever will be will be
The future's no ours to see
Que sera sera

All the very best


A tiny blast from your long past


aman: yeah, man. I guess i am luckier than you.. but only a little.
take care. thanks for visiting.

pokok kokok: alamak, is this for real? "a tiny blast from your long past". now, pray tell which part o my long past, i'd really like to know, or you prefer the mystery. can't be a mystery if i actually know you.
anyway, whatever. and thanks for dropping by, pokok.


kisah pak samad kahwin lagi mengingatkan saya pada cerita2 p. ramlee. bukan saja kahwin lagi tapi kahwin dua dan tiga!

dalam pilem memang perihal kahwin lagi ni jadi mainan dan gurauan. tidak dalam realiti harian.

saya masih ingat bila seorang saudara saya menceraikan isterinya (yang telahpun memberikannya 4 orang cahaya mata) kerana ingin kahwin muda. isterinya dicerai kerana tidak setuju dimadu.

tak berapa bulan selepas penceraian tersebut, saudara itu mengahwini pacar mudanya. ibu saudara saya itu terkejut besar, kalau jantungnya lemah sudah tentu mangkat disitu juga. ibu itu rupanya telah percaya pada anaknya yang mengatakan bekas isteri yang mahukan kebebasan, yang tidak lagi mahu atau tidak pandi melayan suami.

begitu marah ibu tersebut, tak macam dalam pilem P. Ramlee langsung.

untuk bertahun-tahun lamanya anaknya dan isteri muda itu tidak dibenarkan datang ke rumahnya. menangis macamana pun tidak dilayan.

nuraina begitu, ye? tentu dari sumatra.


aman: i should be "was luckier than you". I should remember to put it in the past (tense).

Lubok Melayu: saudara lubok. orang laki2 memang mudah mempermainkan isu poligami. memang adegan dalam filem P Ramlee "Madu 3" tu kelakar, bukan? tetapi, realiti nya jauh sangat. langsung tak lucu.

saudara lubok yg ceraikan isteri untuk mengahwini wanita muda memang tak beza dari orang laki2 yang ingin kahwin lagi.
berbagai alasan di berikan. walhal tiada masaalah sebenar nya dlm rumahtanga bersama isteri tua. walhal tiada pincang atau cacat dengan rupa atau pe'el isteri tua.

yang nyata. GATAL. itu saja. Dah gian. cuma tak nak ngaku.

walaubagaiman pun, memang ada perkahwinan di mana sang isteri memang menimbulkan ketidakpuasan dlm rumahtangga, -- tiada persefahaman, isteri terlalu garang dan tidak hormat suami membuat suami pun tak hormat isteri, sikap selfish dll. bukan semua suami gatal, miang dan sentiasa gian. ada suami yang sabar,murah hati, rajin dan baik.

walaubagaimanpun, yang saya tahu, masaalah dlm perkahwinan/rumah tangga, selalu "two sides" to a coin.

ok-lah. saya bukan pakar. di sini cukup-lah. melarat-larat pula nanti.

Anonymous said...

Dear Ena,
Boy, do we remember yours and Maria's reactions when we found out that Pak Samad was getting married! We were really torn - on the one hand, Rejal and your dad go a long way, and we had to go to the wedding. On the other, there's you and Maria - our friends - to consider. But did I ever tell you when we went to your dad's house the day after your mum died, your father whispered to Rejal that he missed the companionship he shared with your mum? I think theirs was a special relationship which could not be replaced by any other, but your Makcik could provide some solace. She's turn out quite well, hasn't she? Salam to her

Blabarella said...

Whoaa, cliffhanger. Can't wait for the continuation.

I don't know why it took me so long to pop by this blog .. well, I'm here now, and this will surely be one of the regularly visited ones! :)


oh dear...how i remember putting our friends in a spot. it was so terrible of me. looking back, it was so unfair. but it had to happen that way.
it was not about not allowing Bapak to remarry but about letting him know that we were not happy about it.
a bit like throwing tantrums... hahaaa.
poor Bapak. and poor you and Rejal.
oh well...all in the past now.
of course, Bapak and Mak had that special something in their relationship. they went through a lot. and 10 kids, u know.
My Mak Cik is ok-lah, as you know..but i don;t think she offers that solace.
as abang med recalled -- Bapak did say then "I am still virile, you know".


blabarella: thank you for visiting. I just popped by your new site (wordpress). Interesting. Hope you're fine and coping with your pregnancy.
Take care.

Anonymous said...

Kak Ena,

After reading the episodes on your Bapak's wedding, I asked my children if they can recall what is the character "Ursula" in Little Mermaid like. Dah dapat bayang-bayangannya....

Lepas ni kena cari VCD Little Mermaid balik...