I'm glad that something is being done to help Elis Syuhaila Mokhtar bring back her five-year-old son, Ferris who was "abducted" by her ex-husband, to Belgium.
Forty-year-old Frank Theodorus Van De Ven @ Fridaus, with whom she shared custody of Ferris after their divorce, took the child away on the pretext of taking him for a holiday in Penang nine months ago.
That was the last time Elis saw her son.
Elis, 34, immediately sought recourse in the Syariah High Court to gain full custody of Ferris. Yesterday, the court awarded her custody.
She has got custody but, really, what's the use when the child is in another country.
What can she do?
I felt for Elis. I can only imagine her pain. She must have been utterly bereft. So helpless at what seems to be such hopelessness.
Thankfully, our Foreign Ministry has been on the case. The ministry and the Belgian Government have tracked down Ferris and will work to bring him back.
Wisma Putra, according to the NST, is now in the midst of discussing his return with the Belgian authorities.
Foreign Ministry consular division under-secretary Ayauf Bachi said five Malaysian missions, including those from Thailand and Netherlands, started searching for Van De Ven following Ferris' disappearance.
Ferris is Malaysian. He was taken abroad without his passport which is with Elis.
The Belgian authorities finally notified the Malaysian mission in Brussels of Frank's whereabouts in September.
The Belgian Foreign Affairs, Trade and Development Aid Ministry had served a summon and a warrant of arrest issued by the Selangor Syariah Judiciary Department to Frank on Oct 16.
I'm not sure how this will turn out. I hope for a happy ending. But, well, we know, in these sort of situations, there is never a happy ending, because someone will be hurt.
Here's the NST report.
Also, go here to Elis' blog "Bring Back Ferris To Malaysia".
Photo of Elis and Ferris -- courtesy NST.
I just have to get this out of my system. Every now and then, I come across Malay women saying that they rather marry a foreign man than a Malay man. They often say that the Mat Salleh man is more understanding, open-minded and kind. Yet, we often read that this is not the case. I'm sure there are happy marriages but I often hear the opposite. Well, looks like it's not the race but the man.
ReplyDeletedon't think our country is like japan, you know, like what happen to an american man who became japanese citizen who was arrested for violating custody rule ( he was just visiting them at their school). Child custody is always won by mothers there, it's like a tradition in japan. If our country is like that, then this girl wouldn't have this problem... but then, it's ridiculous to arrest a parent who just want to see their children.
ReplyDeleteJust wondering, did this girl divorce also in the country where the husband came from? meaning their marriage in malaysia is also registered there in europe. Coz, if she did, then when they had divorced, then there will be custody agreement between these 2 parents. If she had custody of the boy from the courts there, then the husband had violated the custody rule. If like you say, the boy is a malaysian, then the boy had broken immigration laws there, unless of course, the dad had already registered him as a belgian/dutch(thought the man is dutch) right after he was born.
I think, these 2 parents need to talk to each other for the boy's sake, coz as i see it, the parents love their boy so much, but their anymosity for each other gets the best of them, at the expense of the boy.
I don't know them, but i think these 2 need to meet in the middle and come to an agreement, if they love their boy. To them, reaching this state ( where the husband had to kidnap his own son, and the mother not able to contact her son) is very tragic and sad.
To the mother, don't worry about your son not becoming a Muslim, coz Allah can reach a person's heart even though he has never known Islam before. God work in mysterous ways.
To the husband, love your child the best that you can coz you are both the mom and dad now, coz he doesn't have his mommy now. If one day you have to give up your child, then remember the love you share will never be forgotten.
How sad that a marriage ends this way!
Wonder if Frank got the idea to abduct and run from the Terengganu Prince!! After all in that case, if I am not mistaken the Australian mother had custody of her two kids....no? Wonder if the mother tried to regain custody? And what was Malaysia's response then? After all the conspirator in Australia was charged if I am not mistaken. Wonder what the Malaysian government did to reunite the mother with her two kids..
ReplyDeleteLooks like the Malaysian girls never seem to learn. This is not the first of such case and certainly shall not be the last. It is not only European man, but also Pakistanis, Bangladeshis etc.
ReplyDeleteAs humans we feel sorry for these mothers for the sufferings that they have to endure because their "babies" are abducted by their ex-husbands!
I am certain there are a lot of factors that contribute to the separation or divorce. One of the things that I observe is compatability between the two people - husband and wife. More often the different religious background, upbringing, family values, traditions, family and extended family members, environment and lifestyle can contribute to such break-up.
At the beginning all is well...both parties either "managed or try to tolerate" becuase they are "deeply in love." However, as time goes by the tolerance level may simmer. Trying to adjust to new environment, culture, society etc is not that easy. I am certain you had to endure that when you went to the states. Lucky you had friends who were able to help you to settle in. Then again you were there to study and not start a family!
It's a pity that many Malaysians especially the younger generation shy away from reading the newspapers...because until and unless something like this happen they will not go to the likes of NST to "tell their plight." Anyway that you as the ME of The NST perhaps provide a platform in the Women's Section to "counsel" the young Malaysian girls to be extra careful when they wish to marry foreign!! Or something to that effect.
Concerned Malaysian
i think it boils down to keris melayu versus pistol mat salleh lah.
ReplyDeletei got one junior engineer fm europe, in his 20s, enjoying life 1000% whenever in KL. he loves KL to pieces!
definitely not pierce brosnan material, but still, white and all..
anytime he wants, (which is almost everyday),he just go bangsar, sure get one, or two. never fail.
malays of course. free lagi....
-parang bangla vs bazooka africa-
'Concerned Malaysian' and some of the other commenters do a pretty poor job of masking their bigotry as concern for Malaysian women. As a 'mat salleh' who is happily married to a Malaysian woman, I can tell you that my wife and I have met many other couples in similar situations to ours, and so I can say with quite a bit of confidence that tragic stories like the one highlighted above are the exception rather than the rule.
ReplyDeletebetul lah braders. splits like this happen in any race, any marriage scenario.
ReplyDeleteas a father myself, my heart would be broken to pieces, if my child is taken away, by anobody, including the wife.
father's love is as intense as mother's love. even more i think.
-very sad-
It's not about the length of the weapon but rather if the sheath fits comfortably. Sometimes, a small sheath is more comfortable with a longer weapon. And sometimes, a long sheath is more comfortable with a smaller weapon. If so, then why not? There are so many sheath sizes to be comfortable with so many weapon sizes.
ReplyDeleteI don't think a father's love is greater than a mother's love. My own mother loves me more than my father. So do all my friends. They complain of lack of love from their father. A mother will stick by your side no matter what. She will be caring and compassionate. A father just had you because he needed a wife. A mother bore you because she wanted you.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how many mat salleh-malaysian women happy marriages there are. It would be interesting to know. It would be testament that mix marriages do succeed.
ReplyDeletethanx everyone for the concerns. Join me in BRING BACK FERRIS TO MALAYSIA. I will get my son back no matter how..that was my promised to him on the the day i have seen him, tht was why he agreed to go with Frank.
ReplyDeleteJust give me supports, the least we can do. I know, Ferris is waiting for me to pick him up.
thank you..
really thank you..
To "Anonymous", I have this to say. Malay ladies choose foreign men for many reasons: they treat them as ladies, have gentleman characters, help open the doors knowing that females do NOT have the same physical strength as men, they ALLOW females to speak, they SHOW respect to femalesetc, etc. The Malay men:
ReplyDeleteHow many times did you not show respect to Malay ladies? You push them to the background as if they are dirt/rubbish. You are grouchy & always judge them by their appearance. You act like you are superior in spite of the lack of it. You are arrogant & snobbish just because you're a degree holder. Mind you, thousands of M'sians are too. As Muslims, most of all, you Malay men MUST accept that the foreign men these Malays are married to come with "jodoh". Any divorces that happen after that happen equally with Malay men as much as with foreign men. Please be broad-minded about this, will you?
This is a classic case of the grass is always greener on the other side.
ReplyDeletewould the mother have been willing to share custody if the father had not run off with the child? the joint custody was an interim measure pending the court decision but when did the mother apply for sole custody and why was it not a joint custody? looks like willing to share when you dont have it?
ReplyDeletedouble standards
ummi feris, we will make doa for you that all will work out fine, for all of you. if there are rooms to work out husband and wife, and better avenues for the child to have both of you, i really hope it can be capitalised, ameen
ReplyDeleteMalay Females have no strength to open doors? Malay Men don't allow Malay Women to speak? Are we talking about Malaysian Malays or some kind of other Malays in a far off land I don't know about?
ReplyDeletedear all
ReplyDeletebenda benda macam ni sangat pedih, pahit, painful, untuk di lalui. Benar benar cobaan untuk kalian.
kena batang hidung sendiri baru kita tahu, pahit maung nya. berat mata memandang, berat lagi yang memikul.
kesian umi feris dan keluarga. i really hope the father is very ok and has no problems in taking care of the child. mudah mudahan selamat semua nya.
sedih melihat kalian. ingin sekali nak tolong tapi tak mampu. doa lah banyak banyak.
feris rapat dengan siapa? dengan mak ke atau dengan bapak nya? kalau rapat dengan bapak nya, ok. tetapi kalau rapat dengan mak nya, sangat kesian.
budak budak macam ni, tak boleh tidor kalau tak tenteram. bagi mainan pun tak sama. traumanya di dalam.
i really hope bapak nya dapat menjaga feris dgn baik.
try to work out whatever diplomacy yang ada insyaa Allah.
First it was Natrah. God alone knows how many there were. And now this. Lemah sangat ke kita sampai bangsa lain boleh buat macam ni?
ReplyDeletewaaah! OMG! Oh NO!! Betul ke?
ReplyDeleteafter i read "aboutelis.wordpress.com", i totally have different view.
betul ke ni elis?
kalau betul, biarlah anak kat bapak, lebih terpelihara
-menakutkan-
dear double standards 12:44 PM,
ReplyDeleteI always want to share custody, but Frank who was the one who had filed the custody over Ferris first, without me knowing it. He wants the sole custody, i was just the defendant. Now, he got Ferris and just ran away, that was why i got the sole custody because i was the only one who attending for every court sessions. He did that because he knew it that i will win the case anyway, because Ferris is below 7 years old.
Please just dont simply making assumptions..
Ajal maut, jodoh pertemuan di tangan Tuhan, dont questions things that are not ours. Nothing to do with mat salleh things or better treatments..
for me..MEN are always MEN no matter what race or what religion or what skin color they are.
Thanx for the supports..
Just help me out..i really really want to see my son and i believe Ferris is waiting for me..
I have kept him in my womb for 9 months and 14 days, i have breast fed him, i have taken care of him for every single second of his life, and i never wanted to miss any single seconds of my son's life..
that is why i am doing all these, begging for anyone could help me..
i am ready to accept any kind of comments bad or good from anyone..
because the most important thing here I WANT MY BABY BACK! Tht is my biggest concern and my every prayers...
and i am very FOCUSED!
are u with me guys?
ummie Ferris
dear anon -menakutkan- 12:52 PM
ReplyDeleteMenakutkan?
yes it was..and still it is..
after all, it's up to us to believe it or not..
and for your info, he's been blackmailing me ever since...
I am very content to face it, because I believe we are much intelligent to decide it..read my blog..for u to think about it!
If I want to tell the world what he had done to me, i think macam membuka pekung di dada about my husband, what for?
I am not here to insult or to humiliate him or anyone..or to prove who is wrong or right..
because one thing about peoples...they can do whatever they want to do, they can say whatever they want to say...
TETAPI ini semua tidak akan dapat melemahkan semangat saya untuk mendapatkan anak saya semula!
I WANT TO SEE MY SON BACK..
please help me!
i deserve that..
that is my biggest concern...nothing else!
ummie Ferris
ameeen. may all comes to good end soon
ReplyDeletesalam semua..
ReplyDeletebaca ni di blog ni..
http://elisdanferris.wordpress.com/
fikirkanlah...
Hellο there! Тhis іs my first visit to your blοg!
ReplyDeleteWe aге a grоup οf volunteers and stаrting a new ρгojеct
in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us beneficiаl information
to ωοrk on. Υou have ԁone a maгvellous јοb!
http://sωequipment.insanеjournal.com/
Feel free to surf my site :: altec bucket trcuks